Never Repeat What Someone Said Someone Said by Pastor Ray Pritchard. October 11th, 2007
I first heard this piece of advice about five years ago from a gifted Christian leader. He was speaking at a Bible conference and in the course of his message advised us to “never repeat what someone said someone said.” It only gets you in trouble.
This is especially important advice when you are angry and in the midst of some sort of relational conflict. It could be at work or at church or with a friend or in some professional context or it could be within your extended family. The speaker recounted an occasion when he had been part of a bitter church controversy, the exact details of which he did not share because they didn’t matter. It was evidently about personalities and programs and decisions and power and which way are we going and who will lead us and how will we get there? The usual things Christians fight about. In the midst of the controversy, the speaker said he broke this rule one time and one time only. He repeated something that someone said someone said. Only he didn’t quite get the story right. Perhaps it wasn’t relayed properly or in context. But he passed the quote along as the truth because that’s what he thought it was. And it blew up in his face in a big way. Someone called him on it and he had to go back and apologize and try to make things right. It was a difficult and embarrassing time for him.
Never repeat what someone said someone said. Why is this such good advice?
–Because you may not have the full story.
–You probably don’t have the context of whatever was said.
–You weren’t there to observe the body language of what was said.
–If you are angry, you will be tempted to put the worst possible construction on what was said.
–The person relaying the information may have an axe to grind.
–You may be guilty of passing along a bad report to those who don’t need to hear it.
–You may gain a reputation as a talebearer or a gossip.
–If the information is not correct, you may face serious consequences.
And mostly we shouldn’t do this sort of thing, especially when we are angry or hurt, because it corrodes our own soul.
Set your mind on things above.
Think on those things that are pure and lovely and of good report.
The heart is a fragile thing. Once filled with anger, it is hard to fill it again with love. We can abide in Christ or we can abide in gossip, but we can’t do both at the time.
I suppose we have all occasionally repeated what someone said someone said. But let this be the last word. If you are angry or hurt or in the middle of a conflict, don’t do it. Let those who actually heard what was said repeat it–and let them be held responsible for whatever they say.
When you are angry, hold your tongue and guard your heart. And don’t repeat what someone said someone said.
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6 Responses to “Never Repeat What Someone Said Someone Said”
1. Jamesr Says:
Thank you, Pastor Ray, for the timely reminder. For me, it was indeed words aptly “spoken”.
I got a similar message from my loving wife last night and this morning regarding emails. “If an email message annoys or angers you, don’t respond to it right away. Let it sit a day and then respond, or else just dump it and get on with your life.”
A hasty reply may cost you more than you bargained for, just the same as you mentioned in your article today.
2. Derek Says:
This is a memorable and sobering line:
We can abide in Christ or we can abide in gossip, but we can’t do both at the time.
It’s hard to say it better than that.
3. Ray Pritchard Says:
James, you have a wise wife. Better to let those emails sit for a while . We’ve all answered when we were angry only to regret it later.
Lord, when we are angry, make us people of few words so that we will have less to apologize for later.
That’s my prayer for the day.
4. Ray Pritchard Says:
Derek, thanks. There really are great issues involved in how we respond when we are irritated. That line you referenced just came to me out of the blue, so to speak, but it seems to sum it up very well. Ray
5. Helen Says:
Great advice, Pastor Ray.
I think the problems happen when we start thinking of someone as an ‘enemy’ - because they hurt us or people we care about. We think they hurt me; how can I get back at them? and we rationalize what we’re doing because we believe they deserve it because of what they’ve done.
But giving people what they deserve is not Jesus’ way; it’s not gracious and there’s no forgiveness in it. I’m reading between the lines a bit but it seems to me that perhaps more than one opportunity to be like Jesus was missed in the situation you described. You wrote ‘it blew up in his face in a big way. Someone called him on it and he had to go back and apologize and try to make things right. It was a difficult and embarrassing time for him.
Unfortunately it seems that one unChristlike act often sets off a chain of others from other people and so a situation escalates instead of being resolved as discreetly as possible.
I like the passage in Genesis 9 about Noah and his sons because it seems to me that sets the gold standard for dealing with all sin within a family [that is not of a type that requires reporting]. Noah’s two sons not only covered him up but they walked in backwards so as to know as little as possible.
Imagine if church were like this…if it was (were) a place where, if you messed up you could trust that the response from others would be grace and forgiveness. I expect it is, sometimes, for some people - but what if it could be even more that way?
God bless you Pastor.
I am so blessed by this article. What more can I add, so many beautiful things have been said; however, I will like to add my views on the article. I think the trouble with “somebody said…” is that people do not realize the IMPACT or DIFFERENCE that one WRONG word can make in a repeated sentence. Right from the origin - Garden of Eden – in Genesis 3:4, the devil told Eve: “Ye shall not surely die.” Note that in Genesis 2:17, God had told them: “Thou shall surely die.” So, the one word the devil added was ‘NOT’ and it was enough to send and is still sending millions of souls to hell. We really need to watch our words, so many marriages have been destroyed, walls of confidence broken down with wrong words… indeed, we need to mind our language otherwise our language will maim us. Just one word can close doors against you. I pray that our words will promote us from today and draw rivers of helpers across our pathway in Jesus Name, Amen.
In addition to Helen’s comment…
The word FORGIVENESS is forbidden in so many churches today, dare you go to the church and testify that you were once lost but now found, once a prostitute/thief but now saved hmn…, God save the brother that will ask for your hand in marriage because somebody said somebody said that she was a prostitute will flood his ears and God save the old/former thief should he ever go near the church offering box! Forgiveness is indeed forbidden in our world today, I know of a pastor that speaks against his wife everytime he is asked to comment on their marriage; one wonders if he has ever read 1st Timothy 3:1-7and Proverbs 10:12.
The pulpit has become a serious weapon of mass destruction that should be looked into. Some Christians have become worst than Jack the Ripper as they use their words to rip people off their blessings. I think both the pulpit and the pew need to review the issue of forgiveness. God help us!
Thanks
What is gossip?
The word "gossip" is not found in most translations of the Bible. Gossip is defined as, "Idle talk or rumor, esp. about the personal or private affairs of others". The closest thing to a biblical definition of gossip would be the following: "And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not" (I Tim. 5: 13). Words are used for good or evil (Prov. 15: 2-4). David prayed, "Let the words of my mouth…be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord…" (Ps. 19: 14).
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